My Mom was a super wife! At first she and my grandmother did not get along because my grandmother did not like that her son married a farmer's daughter. But, my dad loved her and could take care of her and that is all that mattered. My Mom was also raised Roman Catholic and my father was "just" Christian, whatever that entails, but for some reason, at that time, Faith wasn't really an issue. Just that My Mom loved my Dad and visa versa.
Well, about three years later, I was born to my beloved parents, Ed and Kathy- my Mom and Dad's first born. My Mom was so happy to have a daughter-little did she know that one day I would be writing this story. She said I was such a good baby. That I never cried too much and she could take me everywhere!
When I was smaller, we would go to the San Diego zoo, where I would play with the chicks. I rode on the rides with my Dad, and played in the Pacific Ocean, where I would play on the beach, jump in the waves with my father. Life was great!
However, my life even at age two years old, was somewhat adventurous in nature. My Mom told me, we had this neighbor girl, when we lived on the Persidio Army Base. (Of course, according to my Mom, "you were never a bad girl, just always got stuck with the bad eggs!" I never could really figure that one out, but still she was my friend.) One day I was happily playing outside with her. She suggested that our Mommies and Daddies were going to have a party soon and we needed to get ready. So, both of us went to her Mommy's bathroom. We put on perfume and Vaseline in our hair. Truly, we would be beauties of the party, mind you I was two years old.
She went to her parlor to show off our good looks, and her Mom and Dad said, "Oh My God!! What have you two done? You Smell so Badly! You have too much perfume on! What did you do to your hair?" We could not figure out what we did wrong! Her Mom, took me over to my Mom and my Mom gasped. "Oh, Marissa! What did you do? What did your little friend and you do?" I told her, "I look pretty for party, Mommy!"
That was my perception of course. However, my mother said that we had taken the entire bottle of our neighbor's Chanel No. 5 and poured it all over the both of us, and then had taken Vaseline and smeared it all into our hair. I had a sleek-back hair style. It was cool! My Mom said it took almost two weeks to get the Vaseline out of my hair!
After California, we moved to Evansville, Indiana, where my little sister, Maria was born. My Mom had her hands busy there, as I had mentioned Maria was somewhat colicky and hyperactive, so my Mom did not get a lot of sleep.
The only thing I can remember is the part about Brian and how Maria could not eat enough at Denny's. She would do this thing.(Mind you she was like six months old, eating solids) She would have her hands up in the air. Once the big bib went around her neck, she would make this sound, "Ah Hm Ah Hm Ah Hm" and my Mom would feed her and she would say, "mmmmmm" and then "Ah Hm Ah Hm Ah Hm" until all the food was gone. I tried to help by making her calm down. I would take her toys out of her bag, and say, "Ria, look at this! Doobee doobee doobee! Isn't it funny?" She would smile, but my Mother would glare at me as if her nerves were on end. I don't think she realized I was just trying to help, as she would yell at me, "Marissa! Eat your food!" Of course, I did as I was told, so I would say, "Okay Mommy!"
After Indiana, we moved to Huntsville, Alabama. There my Mother's work was cut out for her. For three and a half years it was just Maria and I, but she had a much bigger house to clean and two little girls to take care of. My Mother let me dress up in her boots and lipstick and she would comb my long big hair. She took care of Maria too, and I would play with her also. I would sit in my Mom's lap and she would read me stories, and when she had time, she would play with me. She said that, as we were pretty spiritual at the time, that I "spoke in tongues" when I was five years old. That made her so happy that I was "talking to God."
I watched her dress Maria and clean her stinky diapers. I watched her bathe Maria and we would take baths together. Although Maria and I still competed for my Mother's attention, I still felt like my Mom, my Dad, and Maria were my best friends.
However, that Fall would change me staying home, as I transitioned into Preschool. Through all my Primary and Middle School years, my Mother was always there to pick me up from school, chaperone on field trips, take care of me when I was sick, pack my lunch, take me to my extra-curricular activities in the school and piano lessons. Really My Mother, was an "All-Star"
After three years, Eddie was born, now she had three children to take care of and the home, so chaperoning stopped, and play time with Mom also diminished slowly. I was lucky I had Molly, Trish, Kristin, and Maria as my friends who could play with me. I became the girl who was a big sister and all the responsibility of watching my brother and sisters outside was basically mine.
Two years later, Emily was born and I barely spent time indoors anymore, only to practice piano, help with dinner and clean up and play with my baby brother and baby sister if my Mom needed help. We had Friday nights where my Dad would get home early and we would actually have a family dinner, eating pizza and watching a movie. But my Dad would then leave to work on his patient's charts and Mom would go to clean up the food and kitchen and start bathing the children for bed.
I think my mother realized that our relationship was starting to slide downward. So, I do remember that once a month we would go out for "Mom and Daughter" day. She would take me to get my hair done with her and then out to lunch and maybe do some shopping. I loved this and we did it once a month until we moved to Colorado Springs.
My Mother had three failed pregnancies after that. I did not, at the moment of each time, understand why she would want to lose children, as I thought it was her fault that she lost them during her pregnancy. I was very young in my mind and I remember now, I was a bit cruel when I found out she lost her sixth child due to it being stillborn-she went almost full-term, but the baby was already dead inside. I cried because I would not have another brother or sister, but I also became angry at my Mother. I started to think, "How could my Mom do this to me? How could she lose another child? What was she doing wrong?" My father thought I was being selfish, and punished me by not letting me go play for my Clarinet Concert, which I had been practicing to compete in for the past six months.
At this time, my Mom and I were still close, but not as close as we were before this happened. We started to drift apart slowly after this. She was still there to take care of me when I was sick, but when we lived in Denver, she would forget to pick me up at school, thus I would walk home. It was like she must have been struggling with her own demons and started to "forget about me."
When we moved to Rolla, Missouri, she seemed happier. She became my friend again. Sure, she left me "in charge" a lot to run errands into town. I was her big helper, and I accepted that role. She encouraged me to become active in school activities, and I started working part-time at Arby's to help out with my own expenses. When I started working, I bought my own clothes, and she would enjoy taking me shopping to spend my "hard-earned" money. She would even take me to get my hair done, as if our relationship had drifted, but was coming back together. I was her "pride and joy" again. I was happy because I felt my Mother's love.
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